This is a story I will probably publish because I want pictures to fill in some of the story. A little way in I thought to write it from third person instead of first person, so sorry about the flip.
Tell me why she only played at Angela's house, I must know! Haha! Yeah I think pictures would be good to accompany this story. Also, the part between welcoming cookies and "Hey, we are the Jones" is kind of a weak transition. Maybe you should add something like 'Angel and her mother walked to the neighbors house and rang the doorbell' so the reader gets what is happening before they talk to the neighbor. Good job!
I think the third person point of view works better for this story. I like the inclusion of imaginary play in the story as well. And I am curious as to why she only played at Angela's house as well!
We moved all the time growing up, and I HATED it. This almost made me cry! I was confused with the switch in point of view, but now I get it. Maybe I should read the comments first. I disagree with Justin and think that first person works, maybe because I relate more to an actual person telling their feelings about moving and friends moving because of my personal experience. I think making it a picture book is a great idea, maybe a digital story?
This is a story I will probably publish because I want pictures to fill in some of the story. A little way in I thought to write it from third person instead of first person, so sorry about the flip.
ReplyDeleteTell me why she only played at Angela's house, I must know! Haha! Yeah I think pictures would be good to accompany this story. Also, the part between welcoming cookies and "Hey, we are the Jones" is kind of a weak transition. Maybe you should add something like 'Angel and her mother walked to the neighbors house and rang the doorbell' so the reader gets what is happening before they talk to the neighbor. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI think the third person point of view works better for this story. I like the inclusion of imaginary play in the story as well. And I am curious as to why she only played at Angela's house as well!
ReplyDeleteWe moved all the time growing up, and I HATED it. This almost made me cry! I was confused with the switch in point of view, but now I get it. Maybe I should read the comments first. I disagree with Justin and think that first person works, maybe because I relate more to an actual person telling their feelings about moving and friends moving because of my personal experience. I think making it a picture book is a great idea, maybe a digital story?
ReplyDelete